about birth

(realizing i’m writing a lot about kids & co and this is not my intention. anyway, this is and isn’t about them)

TL;DR: I’m against home births.

so there is this trend (at least in Luxembourg) about home births. they’re not recommended by the doctors, but there are midwives that are on board with this. the rule of thumb is that it should be for your second child, not the first. and that if something goes wrong, you’re sent the next second to the hospital.

i saw someone (on the most famous mom instagram account in luxembourg) preaching the advantages of the home birth. what are those? well, you’re more comfortable giving birth in your own bath. and you have people you know around you (would be weird if they were strangers). and that it’s more relaxed. what are the disadvantages for giving birth in a hospital? you might have a neighbor. it’s not your home. the nurses are changing. they might not speak the same language as you do. the control is coming from the exterior, not you.

i am not kidding, these are bullet points on an instagram post. yes, we shouldn’t pay attention to everything we see. but. as my friend said, luckily people who come to work in Luxembourg are a bit older, they’re not as impressionable as a teenager or a 20 year old. we’re not talking about the risks of a home birth just because it’s nicer?

in this day and age, where technology and medical advancements came so far, some people go backwards because you’ll be in control of your own birth in your own home. i get that we like to be in control of things. but giving birth is not one of them. in my opinion, you need to trust your doctor and the staff that they do the right thing for you. yes, things may not go according to your plan. the one thing i found so ridiculous during the pregnancy is being asked by midwives what my birth plan is. do i have a certain playlist in mind, some other things that i want to do? umm, no? i just want to give birth. women refuse the epidural in an exercise of showing how strong they are and how amazing mother nature is. giving birth (again, to me) is not an exercise of how in control you are of your body. your body takes the control. you won’t light scented candles when all you want to do is get that watermelon out of you. things go wrong all the time, or go not according to the plan.

i think it’s more damaging to give the hope to expectant mothers (especially at their first child), that things will go according to their plan. it can be one of the main sources of post partum depression. oh, so in the end you took the epidural, huh? in the end you did the C-section, huh? does that mean that i’m weak? no, it means that 1) i realized that my pain is stronger than my pain threshold and i used medication for it. and 2) it means that i followed my doctor’s advice, not someone who heard from their doctor that oh even if your newborn weights 6kgs you can still aim for a natural birth. why. would. i. do. that??

another “trendy” thing is the outpatient birth, when you go to the hospital, give birth, then get out in the next hours. as google puts it, is the compromise between home delivery and hospital delivery. again, why would you do that? my birth experience might’ve been super smooth, but i had nurses at the touch of a button. i had food coming on trays. i had experienced nurses one call away, ready to clear things out for me. why would i give that away? just to prove again that i’m a strong female being? i am a strong woman even when i ask for help. even when i’m at my worst, when my muscles don’t know what hit them. i am getting stronger when i let people take care of me. this type of giving birth is not in the fashion of – i have no one to leave my other kids with – no. it’s another whim, another way to “fight the system”.

i guess, my question is, why fight this system. we’ve come so far. those people at the hospital have diplomas, degrees, this is their job. they do things every day, see these things every day. why would i not trust them? this is not a process that i own, as the outcome (aka the baby) is not someone i own. it’s someone i raise, i educate for the better, i use all of my resources and my best judgement. why risk it because you like your bathtub?

ending the rant here.

Small thing to add after some time: I get that some women had some traumatizing experiences and it’s difficult to go over that. Most of the time it’s in the hospital (what were the chances, when everyone gives birth there?). I am sorry for these women and I feel you. Whatever one does, you will never be prepared enough for what is to come. And it’s a pity when you can’t find comfort in the doctor, the midwives, the nurses. I truly feel you. But to me this is not a reason for a home birth. It’s a reason to look for another doctor and to perhaps speak about your experience to understand what went wrong, to find out if other women went through it. I guess my point is that even a fail proof system can fail. And that’s horrible when it happens. But that doesn’t mean we lose hope in hospitals and doctors.