Come to yoga with me

The disadvantage of living in France is that you’re never too far away from a croissant. A real, good one. Every weekend four croissants are somehow on our table: two with nutella and two with kinder bueno. How can you resist that?

That’s not the point of this article. As I previously said, I started doing yoga and pilates, I’m taking lunch classes, as this is the best option for me right now. The yoga teacher broke her arm and the pilates teacher is replacing her. Pilates was already challenging, do you want to know how one yoga class sounds now? Keep on reading…

There’s nothing wrong with the teacher, she’s most probably French and very, very intense. So here are some things we hear during our yoga class:

• Relax your shoulders. No, your shoulders are not up to the ear. I said RELAX your shoulders
• Ok, now left butt up, it cannot touch the floor!
• Right elbow on the left thigh. I said RIGHT elbow on the LEFT thigh. No, you’re doing it wrong.
• You’re like this *parodies your crappy posture and exagerates it*. I want you to be like this *superb posture that you may or may not attain*
• Hands flat on the mat. Hands FLAT on the map. I’ll come and step on your hands. Hands FLAT I said!
• Ok, now relax your body.
• No, you’re doing it wrong! *goes to show to the person how to do it right while everyone is struggling in a weird pose. 30 seconds pass by and we’re dying* Ah, ok, back to plank!
• And we stay here for 4, 3, 2, 1, now plank! (who said yoga is all about relaxation didn’t meet this lady!)
• *after an intense hour where you definitely didn’t sent an intention for your practice and your shoulders and body were definitely not relaxed* Ok, now thank the universe, thank you for being here, NAMASTE!

Phew, that sounded exhausting writing it! But you gotta do what you gotta do!